I want to tell you the birth story of J.D but to get to the day that we would welcome our precious boy into the world was a journey in itself. I have mentioned in previous posts of how it took a bit of a helping hand for us to fall pregnant. I guess that's an understatement really - it took a BIG helping hand of a lot of doctors and specialists. I think I will start from the beginning before this little cutie was just a sparkle in our eyes!

In May 2008 we decided it we would start trying for a family. We had been married for a little over 18 months and I was so excited that we had finally come to that decision. I couldn't wait to have a little baby of our own. All our married friends were starting to go down this road as well and it was the perfect timing for all of us to have children together. That same month we decided we would start a family my monthly "cycle" stopped - and no I wasn't pregnant already! We were going away on a three month Europe trip in June 2008 and we thought maybe we would conceive while we were over there. Hmm if I only knew! My "cycle" never returned while we were travelling and upon our return in late September 2008. I was starting to get a little concerned there was something wrong with me. This was the beginning of a very hard and painful journey to find out what was causing these issues. It was over 2 years before I had any inkling of what was going with me.

What followed from late 2008 to early 2010 was a very hard and dark time for me. It tested my faith, my health and our marriage beyond anything I have every known! I started seeking help through natural therapies first to see if I couldn't get things "re-started" naturally but with no avail. I did see a local fertility specialist during this time and started on some fertility medication - at this point he probably could of told me what my problem was but nothing was ever mentioned of why my ovaries were not working. This is a point of frustration for me because it was another year before I truly found out my problem. The first lot of fertility medication made me ill and had no effect on helping me ovulate or regulate my cycle. We gave up after a few months as I was not in the frame of mind to continue down this track towards more intense treatment such as IVF. The thought of IVF terrified me - I did not want to go down that track EVER. I had seen a close friend of mine walk that path and it wasn't an easy road to travel. So I shut that door, went into denial and tried to seek further natural therapies.

In the mean time I had to face the difficult task of seeing all my married friends revel in motherhood while I was barren and didn't know why. It strained me emotionally and mentally, but I put a brave face on and soldiered on. I was happy for them but it was just too hard to watch sometimes. The intense feelings that were brought up watching people with babies was very overwhelming and only someone who has travelled infertility would know what I am talking about. The deep yearning that couldn't be fulfilled because of your body was letting you down! It was probably one of the hardest things to deal with during those two years. I didn't know where I fitted in anymore and it made me pull back and be distant from a lot of people. It probably wasn't the wisest thing to do but it's how I coped with it.

New year's 2010 we decided enough was enough and knew we couldn't put off seeking further specialist treatment to find out the cause of my lack of "cycle". I went to my local GP and he referred me to a fertility specialist in Brisbane. Our first appointment was in early March 2010 and by the end of that month I was diagnosed with PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was SO relieved that we had finally got a diagnosis to what was causing my issues and I could but a "name" to the "face" so to speak. I went into research over drive to learn more about this condition. The specialist was so positive that we would be able to conceive with a little help from a small procedure called Ovarian Diathermy and some fertility medication. I walked away from that appointment with the first ray of hope that I had felt in two very long years.

We proceeded with the diathermy procedure in May 2010 and started fertility medication with high hopes and dreams.... and then we waited, and waited some more. Each month my medication was increased with no result - the only result was the side effects it was having on my health. I was constantly exhausted, bloated, gained weight and was extremely moody. We persevered with this treatment into early 2011 until the day came where we couldn't go any higher on this medication. That day was hard to face. The doctor kindly told us we had to start thinking about "other" treatment and this precluded to IVF!

My worst fears now had to be faced........

Chapter 2

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