On From Chapter 2......

Excuse this photo - I am looking a little "worn around the edges"! As all new mums do! :-)

We had just found out that our first IVF cycle had failed. It was one of the most devastating feelings I have ever felt. It was gut wrenchingly awful and seeing the financial, emotional, physical and mental anguish that we had to endure to get to this stage was more than I could bear. I felt like a walking zombie for the first week after it had failed. It was like mourning someone that had died - that I didn't know really but they died all the same. It affected not only me and bevan but our whole families as well. It was something everyone had be anticipating with so much excitement and to see it not work for us was also hard for them to take in as well.

I knew I had to re-group and try and work through the emotions that assaulted me from this experience. I didn't though - I shoved them in a nice little box and in my own words "sucked it up" and tried to moved on. I wanted to try again straight away as if we waited another month it would fall over christmas time to get the second round complete. I didn't think I could bear waiting another 3 - 4 months to try again. So we jumped straight into the second round of IVF.

The second round was not as complicated as the first round of IVF. Since we had already got our eggs collected and fertilised we simply had to "defrost" one of our eggs to implant. However this did not go without it's risks. The egg may not defrost correctly and continue to grow which result in us losing the egg before it was even implanted. It felt like there were so many more things that could go wrong this time round. I did have to endure another month long round of fertility medications but thankfully no injections were required for this.

It seemed a bit more simpler in procedure but a LOT harder emotionally. I kept wondering if I was ready to do this again so soon. Was I stupid for rushing in and trying again without having dealt with the prevous failure? I had so many emotions and feelings welling up inside of me I don't know how I didn't go crazy. Bevan was such a wonderful support during this whole time and I know I couldn't of got through it without him by my side.

Second embryo that was inserted

The day came for our egg to be defrosted... Success! Phew at least that went smoothly. Friday the 28th of November 2011... 1.30pm - Implantation Day! I went into the precedure room with serious mixed feelings and a lot of fear over clouding everything - I knew I had to give this to God becuase he is in control of everything.... I had to hand it over and find peace with him to get through this cycle because there was no way I could do this myself. The procedure went smoothly and again we walked hand and hand out of the doctors office with some fear but also peace that there was nothing else we could do but ask that God's will be done in this cycle.

The Two Week Wait begain again - TORTURE!

Chapter 4

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